An online forum user posted a scenario to an online forum asking for advice in dealing with his 20-year-old daughter.
His Daughter Lives at Home Rent Free
The original poster (OP) says his daughter is a college student who lives at home rent-free. He claims he only asks his daughter to “do a few things around the house from time to time, like cooking and cleaning.”
Occasionally She Watches Her Younger Brothers
He added that “Occasionally, she has to watch over her younger brothers since I may be busy with work or when I need a break to hang out with my girlfriend.”
It’s taking her away from her studies
His daughter, feeling the workload on her back was unfair, lamented to her dad. She said, “She’s okay with cooking and cleaning around the house, but having to watch over her siblings was annoying & stressful, and that it’s taking away from her studies.”
It’s Not That Hard; He Did It
Apparently, that didn’t sit well with OP. He adds, “That pissed me off because I myself went to school while having to pay bills & take care of her as a baby alongside my ex-wife. I told her she was acting very privileged and that if I could do it, so could she.”
She Went behind His Back to Speak to Her Aunt
OP’s daughter didn’t like his point of view and “went behind his back” to discuss the topic with her aunt.
Give Her an Allowance
OP feels his sister is “…very kind & gullible at times, so she called me and said the least I could do was give her an allowance for the chores I make her do.
The Daughter Didn’t Ask to Be in This Situation
I explained why I felt that wasn’t necessary, and she told me not to compare my situation to my Daughter’s since, apparently, I put myself in the position I was in back then, which I guess is a fair argument.”
He Thinks He’s Justified in His Methods
Still, OP went on to defend himself further. ” since she is living in my house rent-free and I’m paying for her college, I feel that in of itself should count as an allowance.
Is He in the Wrong?
So I just wanted to ask whether I’m wrong for not wanting to pay her extra money to do basic chores.”
Online Forum Users Comment
Online, OP received a mixed bag of responses, with plenty of volunteers wishing they had more information to go on.
Users Think Op Is in the Wrong
One user thinks OP was definitely wrong, saying, “‘Because I myself went to school while having to pay bills & take care of her as a baby alongside…’ That was your own baby and your own decision, the same as now. Your daughter has no kids; it’s not her responsibility.”
Forum Users Speculate
Speculation ran rampant as commenters tried to ‘read between the lines.’ Their decisions were based more on that speculation than the facts given in the original post.
One user thought the daughter should certainly receive some compensation if the babysitting were substantial, especially because the daughter said it was interfering with her studies.
It’s Not Reasonable
“I agree. If it’s interfering with her studies, then it sounds like it’s more than a couple of times a month. I’m curious how much younger these kids are, as well. If it’s a 10 and 12-year-old twice a month for a few hours in the evening when she’d be home anyway? No big deal. If it’s 2, 5, 7, and 9-year-old three evenings every week and all day on most Saturdays? Not reasonable.
Regular Babysitting Duties Need Compensating
I fully expect that older children can and should, on occasion, help care for younger siblings when necessary – in emergencies or once-in-a-while situations. It’s just what families do. But if it’s frequent or regular, there needs to be some compensation IMO, and if it’s interfering with school? That’s a problem.”
There is Not Enough Information
Another user thought the post was vague and didn’t include enough information. “I agree with the general consensus that there’s not enough information to form a reasonable opinion. It is vague enough that it could go either way, but I tentatively agree. That elaboration twisted things to almost make his daughter sound like a wife replacement.
He’s The Problem
Not saying this is the case, but OPs phrasing isn’t doing him any favours. If his requests are enough to be affecting her quality of study, I feel as though he’s the problem because you’re right. Students generally aren’t running a household.”
This user thinks OP is wrong and had some advice to offer. “Right. Is it “daily” or “from time to time”? I’m betting it’s daily.
She Didn’t Choose to Have Kids
OP, you’re wrong. First, for just blowing her off. Second, for expecting her to be the same as you. She didn’t choose to have kids. And you said, “alongside your ex-wife”. So it wasn’t all on you. You sound resentful that she might have it easier than you.
Childcare is Her Issue
The daughter said she is fine with cooking and cleaning. It sounds like childcare is her issue. I didn’t see how many younger brothers or ages. So we have no idea what she has to do. Does she have a chance to work for actual money? Time for a social life? Maybe her major is more intense than yours.
Invite the girlfriend over and stay home.”
An Inability to Compromise Can Make the Job More Stressful
Parenting can be rough, even when you’re pretty sure you know what you’re doing. However, bad attitudes and an inability to compromise can make an already difficult job even more stressful.
Responders Are Torn about Who Is in the Right
Did OP have the right to be angry with his grown daughter, or was the daughter in the right? Clearly, respondents were torn on the subject as there was no definitive distinction on OP’s post about whether he was or wasn’t wrong.
MORE FROM KINDA FRUGAL
The Indestructibles: 13 Professions that Defy the Recession in 2023
According to a recent Payscale report, certain jobs are much less likely to be affected by an economic crisis. Payscale analyzed the salary profiles of 1.1 million US workers. They compiled the data into a list of the most recession-proof jobs based on salary growth.
The Indestructibles: 13 Professions that Defy the Recession in 2023
Break Free from the Office: 11 Reliable Work-From-Home Sites for Remote Jobs
If you are looking for legit remote work opportunities, several websites can help you find real work-at-home jobs. These sites will help you stay clear of the scams and fake listings that plague some job boards.
Break Free from the Office: 11 Reliable Work-From-Home Sites for Remote Jobs
Unleash Your Passion: 10 Hobbies That Can Pad Your Wallet
People take up hobbies for a host of reasons. They may want to learn something new, make new friends, or have fun. Some hobbies can become more than just an enjoyable way to pass the time. Many popular hobbies can also become an extra income stream or lucrative business. Here is a list of money-making hobbies to consider if the idea of making money doing something you enjoy appeals to you:
Unleash Your Passion: 10 Hobbies That Can Pad Your Wallet
Revolutionize Your Budget: The Secret to Getting Free Coupons from Companies
Wondering if you can get coupons from companies for free? You absolutely can! Find out how to contact your favorite brands and learn how to request coupons from companies whose products you enjoy.
Revolutionize Your Budget: The Secret to Getting Free Coupons from Companies
From Bookworm to Breadwinner: 23 Dynamic Ways to Turn Reading into Revenue
If you love reading and want to make money reading books, you can offer several jobs and services, including proofreader, editor, audiobook narrator, book reviewer, and more. Find out how to get paid to read books below.
From Bookworm to Breadwinner: 23 Dynamic Ways to Turn Reading into Revenue
