An online forum user wonders if she is wrong for not being there for her friend after she goes through a breakup.
Sally Has Been in a Relationship for Ten Years
OP’s twenty-seven-year-old friend, a.k.a. Sally, has been in a relationship with a guy — Zack — for almost ten years. They even had a baby back in 2021.
But She’s Unhappy
But Sally told OP that she was unhappy with Zack and that she had started talking to another secretly.
She’s Been Chatting to People Behind His Back
Also, the year before, another random guy messaged Sally, telling her he had a crush on her back in high school. Sally became obsessed with this “crusher” and would talk to him behind Zack’s back.
The Crush Broke It Off
Eventually, the crush cut things off with Sally, saying he didn’t want to destroy Sally’s family.
Sally Is Ranting About His Immaturity
Sally started ranting about his immaturity for not telling her how he felt sooner.
Op Has Warned Sally
OP said she told Sally she should not talk to other guys unless she breaks up with Zack. But Sally says that she’s “not happy with Zack,” but hasn’t wanted to leave him since she’s the only family he has. Now that she’s resentful.
They Broke up and Got Back Together
Since then, Sally and Zack have broken up several times, but the breakups never last. Sally never stopped talking to other guys online, either.
She’s Seeing a Man Called Paul
In addition to all the other guys, including a few who shared their credit cards with her, Sally also saw a man named Paul.
Sally Promised to Go Watch Op Play in Her Band
Now, OP is a musician who has played in a band for eight years. Sally hasn’t seen her play once. When she finally agreed to come to see OP (after OP told her she was feeling ignored)…
But She Canceled and Went on a Date Instead
…She canceled last minute because she was short on cash. Come to find out; Sally actually went to hang out with Paul that night.
Zack Found Out and Left Her
OP wasn’t the only one who found out the truth, either; Zack did as well. It was his last straw, and he finally left Sally.
They Were Both Going to Go and Watch Her
But Sally told OP she had the story wrong: she and Paul had been planning to come to surprise OP at her show, but then Zack found out, and the night was derailed.
But Op Is Ignoring Her – Is She in the Wrong?
OP still won’t give Sally the time of day.
OP now asks online forum users if she is TA for not hearing her friend out.
Online Forum Users Comment
One forum user points out that friendships work both ways.
“Nah… NTA. The fun thing about friendship is that it works both ways; it seems that (as you put it) she was more interested in someone to hear her rants. It also sounds like she got caught red-handed and is trying to guilt trip you because ‘she was doing it for you.’ Some people are better away.”
I Would Have Cut Her Long Ago
“She’s cheating on her boyfriend with several other guys,” one user wrote, “using some of them for their money, until her boyfriend finds out and dumps her. Then she comes to you in hope of consoling her and telling her, ‘your boyfriend and father of your child is the bad guy for dumping you’? NTA. I would have cut her out ages ago.”
Users Applaud Her for Being There This Long
“NTA. I applaud you for listening and being there for her throughout the years. However, it doesn’t sound like you are benefiting from your friendship at all, rather she is able to vent to you constantly but is unable to do anything for you. Maybe it’s time to re-evaluate whether you want to be spending so much energy on this person.”
What Do You Think?
What are your thoughts on this?
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