She’s 23 and has been dating her boyfriend, who’s 25, for over 2 years. After a year of dating, they moved in together, and his friends — newlyweds — became their roommates. They have proven to be nightmare roommates who fight loudly regularly, don’t clean up, and damage their things without telling them.
Her Boyfriend Doesn’t Want to Rock the Boat
Additionally, they are insulting and do not acknowledge or talk to them daily. Her boyfriend strongly discouraged her from expressing her frustration whenever she had a conflict with them. She thinks he’s passive and doesn’t want to “rock the boat.”
She’s Been Suppressing Her Feelings
So, for a year, she’s been suppressing her feelings.
She Threw a Surprise Birthday Party
Fast forward to her boyfriend’s birthday. She threw him a surprise party and did not invite their roommates but informed them about the event.
The Roommates Were Going to Be Out of Town
They told her they wouldn’t be in town the date of the party, she didn’t even have to make sure they weren’t going to be around.
But They Showed Up
But not only were they present on the day of the party, but they put on a whole performance, trying to talk to her and being “nice” in front of the guests.
She Overshared How Awful They Are to Other Guests
OP admits she is on the spectrum, so she has a strong sense of justice and does not appreciate their behavior. While she refrained from saying anything while sober, she drank way too much once the party picked up and started oversharing with the guests about how awful their roommates were.
“She Killed the Vibe”
Her boyfriend told her the day after the party that her behavior “killed the vibe.” She admitted she was wrong but had a problem with her boyfriend saying this only after the party when he had so many opportunities to tell her during the party.
He Could Have Told Her During the Party
He could have mentioned to her discreetly during the party how she could be embarrassing the both of them. She expects him to protect her from herself by pulling her aside and telling her what she’s doing wrong unknowingly.
She Feels Trapped in the Relationship
Since then, she has found it very difficult to trust him emotionally. She doesn’t feel like he has her best interests in mind or holds the same values as her. Honestly, she feels trapped in the relationship. She had been experiencing back-to-back injuries for a while.
But Has Been Relying on Him Financially
Her back-to-back injuries are part of what’s keeping her trapped. She’s been relying on her boyfriend to support her financially — which he has been. She doesn’t want to seem ungrateful because he has financially supported her through her injuries.
But He Gives Her No Emotional Support
But when it comes to emotional support, she’s felt alone for the better part of a year.
They Went to Therapy
OP and her boyfriend went to couples therapy to address the issue and even the therapist advocated for her right to emotional safety in her home.
But He Still Doesn’t Take Her Seriously
Still, her boyfriend didn’t really take it to heart. She feels emotionally abandoned and grossly alone in an apartment with four people and two pets, which should not be the case.
She’s Not in a Position to Leave
But she is unsure if this lack of emotional trust is worth the drama of breaking up. She’s a full-time student and works part-time, so she’s not in a position to call it quits and leave anytime soon.
What’s Your Opinion?
What do you think? Do you think she has failed to take full responsibility for her actions? Or was her boyfriend wrong to have told her of her behavior after the party?
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