Mary has two stepchildren, Sarah and Mike. She’s been in their lives since Sarah was two. Kate, the kids’ biological mother, suffered from drug and alcohol addiction which caused her to lose parental rights years ago.
Once the biological mom came back into the picture, Sarah ghosted Mary. Now, Sarah’s getting married, and Mary is ghosting Sarah. Is Mary in the wrong? Here’s the family drama.
Their Biological Mom Got Clean
When Sarah was 17, Kate contacted her kids. She wanted to be part of their lives now that she was clean. Kate had been going to therapy and had a decent job.
So, Sarah agreed to see her biological mother, while her brother decided not to have contact.
She Resented Them
Sarah made it clear that she resented her stepmom, Mary (the original poster, OP), and Mike for his decision not to contact his biological Mom.
Mike knew his mother in the throes of her addiction, while Sarah only remembered her after she got clean.
Op Understands but Is Hurt by the Rejection
OP respected both of their choices. However, while OP understood Sarah’s choice to see Kate, she was hurt by Sarah’s apparent rejection of her now that her real mother was back in her life.
Sarah went as far as to stop spending time with OP and stopped calling her ‘mom.’ OP let Sarah know how hurt she was and that Sarah didn’t have to choose between her and Kate. “She could have us both,” explained OP.
OP Was Crushed
Sarah went on to say she appreciated OP, but at the end of the day, Kate was her and Mike’s real mom—this crushed OP.
Then the Final Straw
For OP, the final straw was when Sarah failed to invite her to her high school graduation. OP figured if that was how Sarah wanted it, that’s how it’d be. From then on, Sarah “would only be her husband’s kid.”
She Was Getting Married
Sarah showed up at her dad’s house recently with her fiancé. Unfortunately, neither Rob, OP’s husband nor OP knew the financé existed.
The bride-to-be invited OP and her dad to their wedding, but OP refused.
Op Was Refusing to Attend
Sarah asked OP to come to her bridal party, to which OP said she felt uncomfortable taking part in the event when they hadn’t had a relationship in years, as Sarah had preferred.
She Apologized, but OP Wasn’t Interested
Sarah said she was sorry, but OP said she wasn’t interested. Sarah went on to say, “What will people think if my brother and my dad’s wife aren’t there?” “Gramps,” who is Sarah’s paternal grandfather, “is going to be upset too.”
Crocodile Tears
OP told Sarah she was only concerned about appearances and felt Sarah’s tears were more of the crocodile variety than something sincere.
OP Didn’t Go
Sarah kept texting OP after she left, trying to get OP to change her mind about the wedding. At the wedding, Sarah even ‘saved a seat’ for OP in case she wanted to attend. OP chose not to go.
Rob is angry with OP for ruining his daughter’s wedding, but Mike, who is still not in contact with Sarah and Kate, is taking OP’s side.
Online Forum Users Comment
Forum users were clearly on OP’s side, denoting she’s not in the wrong, although they also offered some sage advice.
“You’re not in the wrong.
“She dropped you quickly enough for her ‘real mum’, you know, the one that did nothing literally for the most challenging part of her life, then strolled in when it was convenient.
She threw away 15+ years of care like it was nothing. You can’t reverse that at the drop of a hat to fill a seat at a wedding.
Your Husband Is the Jerk
The husband is the jerk for not seeing that she kicked you to the curb without a thought and expected you to be ok with it, although I can see he is in a difficult position.”
The Invite Was Just to Appease Grandpa
“While all this is right, I feel the invitation was an apparent try to appease Grandpa, and therefore Sarah needed OP as a prop.
This is not about you, OP. She didn’t invite you as her mother; she needed bums on seats to show off to gramps and to play a happy family for a day.
Nothing would have changed. This wasn’t about trying to fix anything. You would have been used as a prop, a decoy for gramps.
You’re not in the wrong. Obviously, OP did everything right, and the husband needs a reality check.”
You Got Slapped in the Face
OP was not the jerk and wondered if Kate went to Sarah’s wedding.
“You were the one to give the first push in getting Rob to allow Kate to see them. Sarah basically slapped you in the face for everything you did. You even told Sarah you were fine with being just a motherly figure, but she took it further by resenting you!?
He Has a Nerve
Rob has some audacity to say you ruined the wedding when you were the one who helped bring up these children and then did not get any support, while you were blamed for Mike’s choices and rejected.
Some Forum Users Pose Some Questions
Did The Biological Mom Show?
Did Kate go to Sarah’s wedding?”
OP replied, “She and her entire family were invited, and she was also in the bridal party as MOH.”
OP Could Have Done More
It seems that some forum users thought there was more OP could have done to ‘mend fences’ with her stepdaughter.
“She was a kid dealing with a lot of stuff with her bio mom. It makes complete sense why a kid whose bio mom was missing for years and then made her choice would make the choice she did.
Sarah Grew Up
Sarah got older and wiser and realized it was a mistake, and you’re still holding it against her.
She left an empty seat at the wedding for you. If she was keeping up appearances, she wouldn’t have done that.
You were all for forgiveness when it was Sarah forgiving Kate. Now that you need to practice what you preach, you’re changing your mind.”
Was OP the Villain or the Victim?
While it seems that everyone completely understands OP’s point of view and where she’s coming from, it’s also clear that people think she could have handled things differently to help heal the hurt. Whether Sarah was genuinely interested in a relationship will remain to be seen.
What do you think? Was OP in the right not to attend the wedding? Was there more she could have done to fix the family?
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