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Being in a Relationship With a Narcissist can be emotionally draining and confusing. Narcissists often manipulate, gaslight, and control their partners, making it difficult to recognize the toxic dynamics. Understanding the signs can help you identify and protect yourself from an unhealthy relationship.
The tricky part of dealing with a narcissist is that they are often skilled at camouflaging their red flags until they’re well into a committed relationship. With a track record of disastrous breakups in their wake, it’s shocking how often, and sometimes quickly, they find someone else to be in a relationship with.
To help save you from the heartache and exhausting emotional rollercoaster being with a narcissist can feel like, we’ve gathered all the red flags you should be looking for beneath their charming and witty facade. If you really love them, you’ll send this to a friend or family member who needs to wake up to these warning signs and read the writing on the wall. You may be involved with a narcissist!
1. They Love Bomb You
Believe it or not, being in a relationship with someone who constantly showers you with gifts, money, and other signs of affection could set you up for the long game when they ultimately take advantage of you. If you’re early in a relationship and your significant other is exhibiting signs of love bombing, trust your intuition and get out of that relationship as soon as possible. In the eyes of that person, it’s the only way to make you vulnerable.
2. They Crave Attention
One of the most identifiable traits of a narcissist is that they always try to be the center of attention. Whether it’s monopolizing the conversation in group settings or being obsessed with their social media image, narcissists do whatever they can to make sure all eyes are on them. It may seem charming early in a relationship, but before long, even the most patient person gets tired of this act.
3. They Control Who You’re With
Narcissists love being in control, especially when it comes to their significant other falling in line and only spending time with people they approve of. If you’re in a relationship with someone who limits your time with your friends, family, and coworkers, consider that a red flag and the tip of the iceberg. Who knows to what extent they’ll take their controlling nature?
4. They Overexaggerate
Every story told is another golden opportunity for a narcissist to overexaggerate. I have a few friends who exhibit this quality, and it’s exhausting listening to them speak because you constantly think, “Well, there’s no chance that part of the story is true.” Usually, men and women who embellish every chance they get aren’t relationship material, and unfortunately, their significant other finds out the hard way.
5. They Constantly Threaten to Leave
Narcissists want to be the center of your world. They want you to worship the ground they walk on. On a certain level, it makes sense that they would threaten to leave the relationship because they know it would inflict the maximum emotional damage. If you’ve ever been with someone who does this, you understand how exhausting it can be to deal with someone constantly threatening to leave.
6. They Misrepresent Themselves
Have you ever dated someone who misrepresented who they were early on? If so, you’ve most likely dated a narcissist. Stretching the truth is their way of luring you close to them. Whether misrepresenting how much money they make, how old they are, or their relationship status, misrepresentation is one of a narcissist’s favorite hobbies.
7. They Lack Empathy
Most people can put themselves in someone else’s shoes and see things from another’s perspective. It’s called “empathy,” and lacking this fundamental aspect of human decency separates caring people from people who only value themselves. Dating a narcissist can be, at times, infuriating because they only see the world from their own narrow viewpoint, which leads to countless problems throughout the relationship.
8. They Put Themselves on a Pedestal
Narcissists can’t help but put themselves on a pedestal. In their eyes, the world revolves around them, and everyone around them should prioritize their existence. Let’s call a spade a spade: It’s a sad, pathetic way to live your life. It takes a particular type of person to think of themselves this way, and relationships with someone like this rarely end well.
9. They Can’t Give up Control
One of the hallmark traits of a narcissist is that they need to be in control of everything, everywhere, all the time. Suppose you’ve agreed to go to dinner or a movie with another couple and were confused about why they didn’t ask your input on where to go. In that case, you can most likely blame the toxic person in that relationship. Control is everything to a narcissist; without it, they don’t know who they are. To them, losing control is a sign of weakness.
10. They Constantly Cause Pain
As the old saying goes, “Hurt people hurt people.” In many people’s eyes, the most deplorable trait of a narcissist is their insistence on hurting the people they love. This can manifest in countless different forms, from physical violence to unfaithful behavior and everything in between. Do yourself a favor. If someone causes you physical or emotional pain, leave them in the rearview mirror.
11. They Lie Compulsively
Narcissists are not only more than capable of lying, but they do it constantly. It doesn’t get much worse than that, does it? These people are the worst of the worst. They’re seemingly incapable of telling the truth at any point in their lives. From little white lies to giant ones, they have a problem with being truthful, leading to significant stress in a relationship. Dating a liar is never fun.
12. They Never Apologize
Being a narcissist means never having to say you’re sorry. If you’re currently embroiled in a relationship with someone who has never apologized to you for anything, congratulations. You’re dating someone genuinely reprehensible. The words “I’m sorry” don’t exist in their vocabulary. As with so many traits on this list, they view apologizing as subservient and weak, and they would never throw their power away over something as trivial as a genuine “I’m sorry.”
13. They Make You Feel Unworthy
Self-esteem is a two-way street. You can practice self-love all day long and be truly happy with the person you are. Still, if you’re in a relationship with someone who constantly makes you feel unworthy, your self-esteem will ultimately suffer. A quality relationship revolves around compromise and plenty of “give and take.” Anybody who consistently puts you down and makes you feel bad about yourself is not worth the effort.
14. They Get Defensive
If you’ve ever heard your significant other say things like, “You’re acting crazy!” or “Whoa, where is all this coming from?” you may be dating a narcissist. These people are masters of deflection. They can effortlessly turn anything you say into something that makes it seem that you’re at fault. After all, in their minds, they can do no wrong.
15. They’re Manipulative
Identifying someone exhibiting manipulative behaviors can be challenging. Still, it’s one of those things that becomes crystal-clear if you witness it first-hand. Narcissists are experts in getting others to do their dirty work. It’s common in relationships for one person to give their partner money, partly because they have been manipulated into doing so. To make matters worse, the narcissist’s significant other is usually unaware that the manipulation is happening.
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